Just Gotta Vent
by JohnnyIsMyGoldSunset
Summary: The boys have the opportunity to be on a talk show and completely take advantage of this time to vent on subjects regarding Darry and each other. Well, what are you to do? Extremely stupid and humorous.
1. Darry

Hey y'all! So this is a new story where the gang's on a talk show, well, venting. Maybe they'll even share some of their deepest, darkest secrets with y'all *winks* So, enjoy! And please review; it helps me know if you guys want an update ;)

Disclaimer: Own none of The Outsiders.

Warning: Extremely stupid! XD

**Just Gotta Vent**

Murtha: Hello, everybody! Welcome to the 'Murtha Van Bertha Show'! I'm your host, Murtha Van Bertha and joining me today is the Curtis gang! Hi, boys.

Two-Bit: Boys? Shoot, we're _men_!

Darry: I beg to differ…

Dally: *rolls eyes* Well, quit beggin' 'cause it ain't gettin' you anywhere.

Darry: Whoa, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the trash can.

Dally: *cocks an eyebrow* You mean your house?

Darry: *stuttering* Uh…uh…heh heh. My house IS NOT a trash can, Dallas!

Dally: The first step to fixin' a problem is admittin' you have one.

Darry: *gives an angry glare* Take a bath, greaser.

Dally: I took a shower this mornin'. And what's your excuse?

Darry: I…I washed my hair last night.

Dally: Oh, you mean when you were done dyein' your roots?

Murtha: Darry, you dye your hair…?

Darry: Well, no…I mean, not exactly. Sometimes I touch up the color to make it a little lighter…

Ponyboy: Oh my gosh.

Darry: What? Is it not normal for a man to take pride in his hair color?

Dally: *bluntly* No.

Darry: Did I ask your opinion?

Dally: No, but I was gonna share it anyway.

Darry: Well, what do you have to worry about? Your hair is so naturally light you don't have to even consider the idea!

Dally: Is…is that jealousy I hear? *tosses his head*

Murtha: Darry, you can tell the truth. We're all friends here.

Darry: *explodes* YES! Yes, I'm jealous! I've been jealous of your hair since I met you! Happy?

*Dally's speechless, while the rest of the gang snickers*

Murtha: Okay, well this seems to be a touchy subject for Darry. I'm going to ask you boys some questions now. I know I'm going to regret asking, but…is Darry a good cook?

Dally: *scoffs* Are you kidding me? Big, fat N-O!

Ponyboy: I personally like the chicken he makes. Y'know, when I don't get stomach cramps after eating it.

Dally: The worst is the slimy corn. I mean, it goes through you like a slip-'n-slide.

Johnny: Sorry, Darry, but it's the truth.

Darry: Well, I'd like to see you cook better!

Johnny: Dally made me a sandwich once.

Everybody except Dally and Johnny: And…?

Johnny: *smiles at Dally* It was real good.

Darry: *groans* Ohhhhhh…

Dally: Check and mate! Strike two for Darry!

Murtha: Well, let's move on, shall we? Whose birthday was the most recent?

Dally: ME!

Murtha: And how did that go?

Ponyboy: Eh…

Dally: Awful.

Darry: Holy heck, are you kiddin' me? I made you a cake and everythin'!

Soda: He made vanilla cake with natural banana extract. I mean, what?

Dally: Yeah, and I'm allergic to bananas!

Murtha: No way!

Johnny: Yeah, and he had a real bad allergic reaction. Like, his cheeks were all puffy.

Soda: He looked like a chipmunk.

Dally: *glares at Darry* And whose fault was _that_?

Darry: Okay, okay, I'm sorry! The kid's allergic to so many things! How am I supposed to keep track of what I make him?

Johnny: Darry, it's just bananas…

Darry: *reddens* Now I'm embarrassed…

Murtha: Well, boys, I've always wanted to know how Darry reacts to large bugs. Care to share?

Dally: Happy to. He screams like a baby. 'Nuff said.

Darry: I do not scream! I…raise my voice…

Dally: An octave higher than usual?

Pony: Yeah, and usually I'm doin' my homework and he screams down for me to kill it!

Soda: And there never seems to be anythin' layin' around to get it with.

Pony: So he tells me to use his tighty-whities!

Dally: Now, why would nothin' be layin' around but Darry's underwear?

Ponyboy: That's a question that keeps me up all night…my mind spinning…

Murtha: Thank you, boys. And we'll be back right after this break!


	2. TwoBit

Back with another chapter! So, one of the reviewers said I should make a chapter for each greaser being bashed. Thanks for the idea, 'cause I'm gonna do that! Drop me a review ;)

**Just Gotta Vent**

Murtha: Alright, well, we're back after that extremely lengthy commercial break! I'll turn the conversation over to you boys.

Two-Bit: *inhales sharply* Again with the 'boys'…

Steve: Shut up, Two-Bit!

Dally: He's the most annoyin' person alive.

Darry: *nonchalantly turns head* I dunno about that.

Dally: *looks at Murtha matter-of-factly* I'm gonna kill him.

Murtha: Okay, okay…no need for such acts of violence. Since we're on the topic of Two-Bit, tell me, what is the most annoying thing about him?

Dally: His face. *snickers* 

Two-Bit: Your mom!

Dally: What?

Darry: _That's _his most annoying aspect! He answers everything with "Your mom"!

Two-Bit: That…that is a _falsehood_!

Ponyboy: Falsehood…?

Darry: No its not! Just the other day, I asked him if he wanted maple syrup on his pancakes and he said, "Your mom!"

Dally: Yeah, and last week, I told him I'd either flush his head down the toilet of push him off the roof and he chooses, "Your mom!" That's not an option! It's either death by toilet or death by gravity!

Murtha: Wow. It sounds like Two-Bit has a real…problem. I have a question. What does Two-Bit do before eating?

Dally: It's always the same: he gets high. Especially before eatin' cauliflower.

Two-Bit: No! I don't get drunk before eating grapefruits!

Dally: *sarcasm* Oh, pardon me!

Ponyboy: He even gets drunk before taking a bath. It's really disturbing.

Johnny: He locks himself in the bathroom for hours, too.

Murtha: Uh…why?

Dally: Why does he lock himself in the bathroom or why does a grown man take baths?

Murtha: A little bit of both.

Two-Bit: I love the way your fingers get all prune-y. You just don't get that same texture in the shower.

Darry: That's not weird.

Two-Bit: As for the other question, I feel uncomfortable answering it.

Dally: Oh, c'mon! I just found out Darry's been jealous of my hair for years! I can take anythin'!

Two-Bit: *mumbles something inaudible*

All: What?

Two-Bit: I'M DOING MY NAILS, OKAY?

Soda: I knew he was never a guy…

Two-Bit: I am a guy! And I feel it's necessary for a _real_ man to buff and paint a coat of clear polish on his nails!

Dally: *straightly* Well, you feel wrong.

Two-Bit: I've always wanted to be a manicurist since I was young! *begging for acceptance* I can't help my _passion_!

Murtha: It's…it's okay, Two-Bit. Let's move on. Now, it seems he loves Mickey Mouse, doesn't he? What do you boys have to say on the subject?

Dally: *grimly* I want Walt Disney dead or alive…

Darry: He has a Mickey Mouse shrine in his bedroom. I avoid his house altogether, but once I had to drop off some buttermilk for his mother, and I saw his creepy room. There was this one stuffed doll in particular that still keeps me up in the dead of night.

Ponyboy: Buttermilk…?

Murtha: *biting nails* What…was the doll, Darry?

Darry: *whispers dramatically* Michael Jackson Mickey.

Soda: That thing's foul. Especially since he dropped it down a sewage pipe on the way to our house once.

Dally: Last month he brought over Rodeo Mickey, which is all white now 'cause he bleached it. So he comes over to me and goes, "Dally, it's you when you jockey!" I-I flattened him.

Two-Bit: Yeah, my kidneys have been feeling a little one-dimensional lately.

Murtha: Oh, well, thank you for that...mentally traumatizing story. It seems I've bitten my nails to stubs.

Two-Bit: *hands her his business card* Call me.


	3. Dally

So…I'm updating. And it's almost my birthday! But I'm sad; I really like being Ponyboy's age. *sigh* But thanks for all the reviews! I've never had so many at once.

This chapter is for my dear reviewer **mrsshapiro1322**! Hope you enjoy!

**Just Gotta Vent**

Murtha: *takes card* Well, thank you, Two-Bit… Who should we talk about next?

Darry: *glances around suspiciously* I say we talk about…Dally!

Dally: Nah, I…uh…just had a burrito… Let's go to Ponyboy!

Darry: No, how about we talk about_ you_. And for the record, what does having a burrito have to do with anythin'?

Dally: *shrugs*

Murtha: First of all, tell me what bothers you the most about Dally.

Darry and Ponyboy: *simultaneously* He's so gosh darn cocky! *glaring at each other* Jinx, you owe me a soda! No, you do!

Soda: *clears throat awkwardly*

Dally: I AM NOT cocky! I just have a higher self-esteem than the average person.

Darry: Are you kidding me? He came up to me yesterday and challenged me to a nacho-eating contest. He was bragging about being the champ before I even opened the bag!

Murtha: And who won?

Darry: *blinks* Well, he did, but-

Dally: Well, that's not bein' cocky! That's bein' realistic. I ate seventy-two, by the way.

Ponyboy: *shocked* Seventy-two?

Two-Bit: *begins foaming*

Murtha: *concerned* What's wrong with him…?

Soda: He just _really_ likes nachos.

Murtha: Okay? Anyway, does Dally have any prominent talents?

Dally: Well, let's see…I can beat up anybody, anytime, anywhere, I took first place in the town cussin' contest that Tim set up, I'm the fastest toast-butterer I know, I-

Darry: *rolls eyes* She was asking _us_, Dallas.

Dally: Whatever spices yer taco, Dare-Square.

Darry: I-I am not square! I'm perfectly well-rounded, thank you.

Dally: *snickering* Square. It sounds so weird…

Darry: It-It does not! Now, well, Dallas does have many prominent talents that he's very clearly expressed, but he has a secret talent too…

Dally: *still laughing at the word 'square'* Yeah… *startled* Wait, what?

Darry: *smirks* Dally is _the_ best singer and dancer I know.

Dally: *blushes madly* Yer ridiculous! _Ridiculous_!

Darry: No, _your skills_ are ridiculous, man! I swear on seaweed I'm not joking!

Pony: Seaweed…?

Dally: *laughs* Ha, me…sing and dance? Absolutely not.

Johnny: You were jammin' out to Elvis this mornin'…

Dally: *shoots Johnny a glare*

Darry: It's the truth! He hits those really low notes and he can even do that weird thing Elvis does with his lip and-

Dally: *growls* SHUT UP! Let's get this straight, I couldn't sing or dance if my life depended on it. So shut up!

Murtha: *tentatively* Let's move on... I really want to know what all of your first impressions of Dallas were.

Pony: *brazenly* I thought he was albino.

Dally: *startled* Albino? Look at these eyes! Melanin! Melanin, I say!

Pony: I'm sorry! I didn't know then! I was just being honest!

Dally: Honest, my-

Johnny: *shyly interrupting* I thought Dally was nice.

Dally: *smiles*

Steve: Yeah, just you, Johnny.

Dally: *glares* Ya know what I thought when I saw you, Steve? Well, I wondered how one guy's face could fit that nose and-

Darry: Okay! I thought he just might need a hug, if he didn't kill me first.

Dally: I wouldn't hug ya if it depended on yer entire written and recorded existence in the past, present, or future.

Pony: Harsh.

Darry: Well, I'll just ignore the sound of my HEART BREAKING! Anyway, one day I came home extremely eager to make steaks I got from some guy on the street named Barnaby-

Pony: Uh, 'stranger danger'?

Darry: And I go in the fridge to see that the only thing left was the box and when I turned around Dally had a steak hanging out of his mouth! That was _the last_ time he was left home alone.

Dally: Well, there was no food in the house except the steaks and this little bowl of cat food Darry left with my name on it. Desperate times call for desperate measures when yer starvin'!

Murtha: Well, then why didn't you eat the cat food…?

Dally: Do I look like an animal to you?

Pony: *confused* Yeah, but…the steak…?

*Okay, I hope you enjoyed! Please leave your favorite quote(s), I like seein' what reviewers' favorite lines were XD


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